"Psst, Want to hear an unverified account or explanation of events, possibly pertaining to an event involving you, and circulating from person to person?"
"What?"
"An unverified account or..(pause)...man, a rumor. Do you want to hear a rumor?"
"A rumor? You mean gossip?"
"No, gossip is for lowlifes! I'm not comfortable spreading peoples intimate facts."
"What's the difference?"
"Well my friend, the difference is that a rumor is not always a bad thing and gossip is for gossipers. That just sounds bad. You never hear people going around saying "so and so is a rumorer" do you you?"
"No, but I've heard of a rumor monger."
"Do you want to hear it our not?"
"Yes."
(pause)
"What's wrong?"
"I forgot what I was going to tell you."
If I were a betting man - and the stack of "Win for Life" scratch offs I have pile in the corner of bedroom can attest to the affirmative - I would say, if you ask most people out there (out where? out there! the world) if they like gossip, most of them would say no. In fact, most would have an almost physical negative reaction to even being asked the question; their face contorting into a scary frown - what kind of person do you think I am, a gossip?!
Nobody is ever going to say they like gossip. Remember telephone? - that illustrative classroom game that was meant to teach us that spreading hearsay is wrong? (not sure it worked very well. that game was kind of fun) If you haven't played this game as a child, it's where a message is passed from one person to another- by cupping your hand over your classmates ear and whispering - until it reaches the last person in the room. The point of the game is realized when the last person tells everyone what she was told. Without fail, what that last person said had absolutely no resemblance to the original message - and everyone would convulse with laughter (like I said, fun game. Probably why everyone loves gossip).
Rumors on the other hand, seems to have gotten away a little cleaner than its cousin - Gossipy La Roux. Gossipy is the one that smokes cigarettes in the bathroom, cheats on her math test, and has a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle. Rumors occasionally brings home a bad grade or curses on the train ride home from school (is that too much of a New York reference?).
While Gossipy went on to have several children from several different suitors, Rumor went on to a fabulous job in the glamorous, competitive world of public relations. As a PR person she gets to use her natural mongering skills to effect opinion on a certain product, company, or person.
Celebrities who have bad reputations hire public relations people to change their image around. Because nobody wants to work with an asshole - nobody (except maybe a proctologist). Corporations do it too, when they want to seem warm and fuzzy and caring, they hire a public relations person to put together a charity function for the upcoming disease of the month. Even that disease of the month might have a PR team helping it hook up with that corporation.
What's your reputation? You probably don't spend much time thinking about that (Next time on Maury: I don't care what nobody think...you don't know me..you. don't. know meee) You're too busy buying sheep on Farmville to give a hoot what people out there (out where? let's not do this again) are saying about you.
But you should give a hoot. We live in a huge social community. What people on your Facebook friends list think about you could create surprising new opportunities.
Be your own public relations person.
There other day someone on my Facebook friends list posted a status update about getting braiding hair. She also mentioned that she was willing to gain practice by doing anyone hair for free who wanted it. Later on, another friend of mind put out a status asking if anybody knew how to do hair. Knowing my friend was learning hair techniques, I immediately contacted her.
So, by offering free hair braiding inadvertently created a job opportunity for the first girl. It created goodwill. I saw her as humble and thought she would have the right attitude to work with the second friend.
There are other things you can learn from professional flacks and rumor mongers too (industry term for PR person, I was getting tired of writing "PR person" there it goes again, ahhh!!) so I'll leave it tomorrow.
Rumor is, it'll be good.
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Tomorrow:
Part 2: Only Invite the Cool Kids
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