Last week, my computer decided to stop working. It didn't just go on strike like any good employee, it just quit on me. I guess I should have expected that was going to happen. It had been four years without major incident, and I would imagine that, in Dell world, that is a very long time.
What makes this situation so dang missed up, is that I don't think I did anything wrong to her. I didn't invite unfamiliar or dangerous looking files to come hang around her. I gave her days, even weeks, off at a time. And I always protected her dignity by deleting my browsing history after porn sites "accidentally" popped up and I "accidentally" watched them.
Now I find myself scratching my head at the prospect of trying to keep up the 'daily-ness' of this blog. Surely this is going to be a test of my dedication to it.
I was so eager to write about my three day community service before Lucy (aka my computer) decided she wanted no part of me or my blog. It was my first time in some mess like that and let me just say, it was nothing like I imagined it was going to be.
In any regard, today's post is just to let anyone out there, who I hope reads this regularly, know that things will be getting a little irregular around here. (This is not my last blog post! I wont go down without a fight. Give me blog of give me death!...that last bit might have been a little extreme.)
In any regard, I'll try my best to keep posting as often as possible while I look into getting Lucy fixed or replaced.
Thanks for stopping by and checking it out. Stay tuned.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Confession: I Was An Elementary School Predator
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
"As I remember it, yes."
Yahira was the prettiest girl in Miss Smiths fifth grade elementary school class. Maybe the entire school. It would not have been a hard distinction to get, the school was so small that our auditorium also doubled as our gym, which, graciously doubled as our lunch room. Let's just say, for the young boys of Brooklyn's P.S. 397, the pool of single, attractive young ladies in the fifth grade class that year, was quite shallow.
Looking back, one of her earliest advantages was that she was the only Spanish girl in a sea of African-Americans and West-Indian children. Things like that tend to make you stand out. They also tend to bring unwanted attention.
So for a young boy, beset by an early taste of a thing called hormones, that little Spanish flower was the bee's knees.
In P.S 397 the playground was like a jungle made of asphalt, rubber mats, and steel bars. You had your monkeys on the monkey bars, the cheetahs playing tag all around, and a lioness keeping a watchful, yet cursory, eye on everything.
To a kid, that small patch of land tucked amongst industrial buildings, car repair spots, and a garbage truck depot, represented freedom. But to many others, it represented anxiety, humiliation and life and death danger.
The funny thing about the jungle is that you can very quickly discover your position in the circle of life.
It was on that playground that I became a predator, when I decided I would go for the most exotic prey - Yahira.
I became relentless in my pursuit. I did everything possible to get her attention. At first, I was subtle, I didn't want to scare her away - so just to let her know that I was thinking of her, I pulled her hair (not too hard, just a tug. I was in love but I wasn't ready for marriage if you know what I mean).
It was the perfect plan really. It started with steady and prolonged stream of physical abuse and progressed to calling her name every time I walked by - "Yahiiiiiirrrraaa!".
Strangely enough, after what seemed like months of effort, nothing seemed to be working. Here I was, pulling out all the stops for this girl and I was getting nowhere. What was a boy to do? Did I need to hit her harder?
I would never get the chance to find the answer to that question. Something would happen on the playground that would change our relationship forever. It would also be, what can only be called today, my Herman Cain moment.
On a beautifully warm day out on the asphalt jungle, I was mysteriously called in by the principal of the school, herself a rare sight in the mucky and murky world of child's play. The unusual nature of it all gave, what was about to happen, the feel of an execution - I was a dead boy walking.
What did I do wrong?, I asked myself. I was known for talking up a storm in class but I was getting that under control. Surely that couldn't of been it.
I reached the tiny corridor that lead from inside the school to the playground and found the love of my life standing there with two adults. I recognized the first one as the aforementioned, rarely seen, principle. The other lady was completely unfamiliar to me.
The principle introduced us, "This is Yahira's mother, she's here to talk to you".
Did this mean what I thought it meant? Was she going to give me permission to marry her daughter?Everything I had been working so hard for was about to pay off. All the teasing, hitting, and general behavior of annoyance was all worth it.
As it turns out, she wasn't there to betroth her daughter to me.
Yahira had been telling her mother all about the sweet little gestures I was doing to win her over but she didn't find it as charming as I thought she should have. On the contrary, she was upset, really upset.
She bent over to come closer to my level, pointed her finger in my face, snarled her teeth and said, "Everyday, my daughter comes home crying, because of you."
I couldn't believe it. Was that true? I looked into Yahira's face for the answer. The tears streaming down her face told me it was. But the tears coming from my eyes should have told all of them that it was all a big misunderstanding. Yes, I basically terrorized her every chance I got, but I didn't want to hurt her.
In that meeting, it was made clear to me that if I didn't want my elementary school career to be marred by this sexual harassment scandal, I would have to stay away. I received the harshest punishment short of suspension; a principal mandated restraining order.
That moment has stayed with me ever since that day. Until the unfortunate 'butt slap' incident in 7th grade I kept everything on the up and up with the ladies - never touching or hitting or talking to any of them. It wasn't until high-school, and with clear understanding that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, that I had my first kiss.
I put my heart out there, and It got crushed. But hey, It could have ended a lot worse - I could be Herman Cain right now.
"Thank you. No more questions, your honor."
"Then witness is excused"
"Thank you"
"Next witness to the stand. Yahira Rodriguez."
"As I remember it, yes."
Yahira was the prettiest girl in Miss Smiths fifth grade elementary school class. Maybe the entire school. It would not have been a hard distinction to get, the school was so small that our auditorium also doubled as our gym, which, graciously doubled as our lunch room. Let's just say, for the young boys of Brooklyn's P.S. 397, the pool of single, attractive young ladies in the fifth grade class that year, was quite shallow.
Looking back, one of her earliest advantages was that she was the only Spanish girl in a sea of African-Americans and West-Indian children. Things like that tend to make you stand out. They also tend to bring unwanted attention.
So for a young boy, beset by an early taste of a thing called hormones, that little Spanish flower was the bee's knees.
In P.S 397 the playground was like a jungle made of asphalt, rubber mats, and steel bars. You had your monkeys on the monkey bars, the cheetahs playing tag all around, and a lioness keeping a watchful, yet cursory, eye on everything.
To a kid, that small patch of land tucked amongst industrial buildings, car repair spots, and a garbage truck depot, represented freedom. But to many others, it represented anxiety, humiliation and life and death danger.
The funny thing about the jungle is that you can very quickly discover your position in the circle of life.
It was on that playground that I became a predator, when I decided I would go for the most exotic prey - Yahira.
I became relentless in my pursuit. I did everything possible to get her attention. At first, I was subtle, I didn't want to scare her away - so just to let her know that I was thinking of her, I pulled her hair (not too hard, just a tug. I was in love but I wasn't ready for marriage if you know what I mean).
It was the perfect plan really. It started with steady and prolonged stream of physical abuse and progressed to calling her name every time I walked by - "Yahiiiiiirrrraaa!".
Strangely enough, after what seemed like months of effort, nothing seemed to be working. Here I was, pulling out all the stops for this girl and I was getting nowhere. What was a boy to do? Did I need to hit her harder?
I would never get the chance to find the answer to that question. Something would happen on the playground that would change our relationship forever. It would also be, what can only be called today, my Herman Cain moment.
On a beautifully warm day out on the asphalt jungle, I was mysteriously called in by the principal of the school, herself a rare sight in the mucky and murky world of child's play. The unusual nature of it all gave, what was about to happen, the feel of an execution - I was a dead boy walking.
What did I do wrong?, I asked myself. I was known for talking up a storm in class but I was getting that under control. Surely that couldn't of been it.
I reached the tiny corridor that lead from inside the school to the playground and found the love of my life standing there with two adults. I recognized the first one as the aforementioned, rarely seen, principle. The other lady was completely unfamiliar to me.
The principle introduced us, "This is Yahira's mother, she's here to talk to you".
Did this mean what I thought it meant? Was she going to give me permission to marry her daughter?Everything I had been working so hard for was about to pay off. All the teasing, hitting, and general behavior of annoyance was all worth it.
As it turns out, she wasn't there to betroth her daughter to me.
Yahira had been telling her mother all about the sweet little gestures I was doing to win her over but she didn't find it as charming as I thought she should have. On the contrary, she was upset, really upset.
She bent over to come closer to my level, pointed her finger in my face, snarled her teeth and said, "Everyday, my daughter comes home crying, because of you."
I couldn't believe it. Was that true? I looked into Yahira's face for the answer. The tears streaming down her face told me it was. But the tears coming from my eyes should have told all of them that it was all a big misunderstanding. Yes, I basically terrorized her every chance I got, but I didn't want to hurt her.
In that meeting, it was made clear to me that if I didn't want my elementary school career to be marred by this sexual harassment scandal, I would have to stay away. I received the harshest punishment short of suspension; a principal mandated restraining order.
That moment has stayed with me ever since that day. Until the unfortunate 'butt slap' incident in 7th grade I kept everything on the up and up with the ladies - never touching or hitting or talking to any of them. It wasn't until high-school, and with clear understanding that we were boyfriend and girlfriend, that I had my first kiss.
I put my heart out there, and It got crushed. But hey, It could have ended a lot worse - I could be Herman Cain right now.
"Thank you. No more questions, your honor."
"Then witness is excused"
"Thank you"
"Next witness to the stand. Yahira Rodriguez."
Monday, December 5, 2011
Why Monday's Don't Suck
Well, here we are on another beautiful Monday. The hate of a which seems to be a fun national pass time. I stopped hating Mondays when, it hit me one day, that coming off of a restful weekend, Mondays was time to snap back to the important work of dream fulfillment. Like the birth of a new child, Monday's are bathed in new hope and opportunity.
(that was a little pretentious, I know, I can't help it. A little pretension goes a long way sometimes)
Over the weekend I went to a friends first performance of a song he had been working on for weeks. We're part of a group of friends with huge artistic dreams and thus we all know what it means to create something and expose it - sometimes raw - to the public.
So we rallied up and we all went to his show. (Which was amazing. I can't wait to see how he progresses with it.)
We all were able to meet up later for a hang out session. There is just something about the experience of hanging out with like minded (with different personalities) that charges the creative cells. It's like turning on the engine to a classic muscle car - it hums and roars and purrs to life.
And just like a classic whip, the sound your creative energy makes is unique to a certain type and model. We are the creative generation. We truly long to make our mark on society by showing our inner lives through our natural gifts and honed craft (and I aint talking mac cheese! ow!).
To possibly run the car metaphor into the ground, it seems that too many times, people want to settle on being the assembly line version of someone else. They want to play it safe and copy what someone else has done or is currently doing.
Partially it's the fault of a society that constantly seeks to diminish creative ambition with the mundane realities of life. And the other part is squarely on the people themselves. Being a copy cat is the easy road. But they ultimately find out it doesn't lead where they thought it would.
I realized I use to hate Mondays because it was the day we went back to work, usually at our little place holder jobs (no surprise there) but it was more than that. Underneath that rational, and oft shared feeling, there was a layer of fear. Every new Monday became a challenge posed to all of us; Do you dare to be happy?
You ask somebody that question and the answer is always going to be yes. But there always hovers that nasty possibility of failure.
But it's not like that at all. Not just Monday's, but every new day that comes isn't about failure. It's about the chance to get the level of happiness and success you dream of. It's chance after chance to quickly learn from your mistakes and rebound the next day.
The smart ones among us do that everyday; adjusting their play book, ever so slightly based on what they learned the last round (yesterday).
So there we were, talking, sipping, laughing and I stopped, turned to my friends and said, "I'm having a good time, let's do this again". To which one of them replied, " Yeah, How about Monday?"
If another beautiful moment could happen again, then why shouldn't it happen on a Monday? My engine is primed up, humming to its very rhythm, and I'm ready to go.
Monday old friend, It's always good to see you. Let's keep doing it again and again.
(that was a little pretentious, I know, I can't help it. A little pretension goes a long way sometimes)
Over the weekend I went to a friends first performance of a song he had been working on for weeks. We're part of a group of friends with huge artistic dreams and thus we all know what it means to create something and expose it - sometimes raw - to the public.
So we rallied up and we all went to his show. (Which was amazing. I can't wait to see how he progresses with it.)
We all were able to meet up later for a hang out session. There is just something about the experience of hanging out with like minded (with different personalities) that charges the creative cells. It's like turning on the engine to a classic muscle car - it hums and roars and purrs to life.
And just like a classic whip, the sound your creative energy makes is unique to a certain type and model. We are the creative generation. We truly long to make our mark on society by showing our inner lives through our natural gifts and honed craft (and I aint talking mac cheese! ow!).
To possibly run the car metaphor into the ground, it seems that too many times, people want to settle on being the assembly line version of someone else. They want to play it safe and copy what someone else has done or is currently doing.
Partially it's the fault of a society that constantly seeks to diminish creative ambition with the mundane realities of life. And the other part is squarely on the people themselves. Being a copy cat is the easy road. But they ultimately find out it doesn't lead where they thought it would.
I realized I use to hate Mondays because it was the day we went back to work, usually at our little place holder jobs (no surprise there) but it was more than that. Underneath that rational, and oft shared feeling, there was a layer of fear. Every new Monday became a challenge posed to all of us; Do you dare to be happy?
You ask somebody that question and the answer is always going to be yes. But there always hovers that nasty possibility of failure.
But it's not like that at all. Not just Monday's, but every new day that comes isn't about failure. It's about the chance to get the level of happiness and success you dream of. It's chance after chance to quickly learn from your mistakes and rebound the next day.
The smart ones among us do that everyday; adjusting their play book, ever so slightly based on what they learned the last round (yesterday).
So there we were, talking, sipping, laughing and I stopped, turned to my friends and said, "I'm having a good time, let's do this again". To which one of them replied, " Yeah, How about Monday?"
If another beautiful moment could happen again, then why shouldn't it happen on a Monday? My engine is primed up, humming to its very rhythm, and I'm ready to go.
Monday old friend, It's always good to see you. Let's keep doing it again and again.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Hang, Invite, Go, Play, Be and Explore Your Way to a Better Weekend
It's Friday. Which means the weekend is finally here. For people lucky enough to have a 9 to 5 in this economy, the weekend is like an oasis in a desert of punch clocks, dopey bosses, and corporate minutia. The end of the week is your time.
So you would think most people would take the time to shake things up a bit - they don't. Going to cousin Maria's baby shower in the Bronx is as shook up as things get. Where's the spice?
Could it be that some among us don't know how to make life more interesting? Did the corporate slog beat the sense of adventure out us? Or maybe it's the kids, do you have kids? Children can really suck the fun out of adult life. (they get to play all day, and we get 'responsibility').
Let's stop the insanity before it's too late. (If time flies when you're having fun, try and see what happens when you're not. It's torture)
 |
| This sheep knows what I'm talking about |
Remember, It's called a social life. And the fastest way to kill it is by giving it an overdose of repetition. Think of the weekend as a chance to give your social life some fresh air and exercise to keep it healthy. Here are some tips on how to get yours off to a good start.
Hang Out with Your Mom. No matter how old you are, mothers are the opposite of cool. But if you can get past the nagging about your love life, your clothe, and your hair, hanging out with your mom can be enlightening. You can ask her to teach you how to make your favorite dish, get the ingredient and make it together. Bonus: You get to hear her side of your childhood antics. Like what she thought when you and your brother broke grandma's vase.
Invite an Enemy to Lunch. Now, I don't mean 'mortal' enemies since that implies death (that's not fun). An enemy in this case can be someone you don't get along with at work or a person you've stopped talking to. The outcome of a sit down lunch can change everything.
Go to an Open Mic Night. Nowadays, everybody is a singer or a rapper or comedian - And most of them are awful. This is a plus for you. It means finding an open mic night wont be hard. Since the talent at these things is usually sub-par, it's also a cheap thing to do. Just make sure to bring a friend that makes you laugh. You guys can pick a seat close enough to hear, but far enough to make fun with being heard. Bonus: Open mics always have drink specials.
Play Dress-up. (for the oh-so-macho out there, call it "Dress to impress" or whatever reinforces your masculinity) We tend to slack on the weekend, instead go the other way, dress it up if for no other reason, than for yourself.
Be Spontaneous. Just because it's cliche doesn't mean it's not true. You have to be willing to go with the flow sometimes. Planing is fun but give yourself space to be wild and free.
Explore a Strange Ethnic Neighborhood. There are little communities all over the place where certain minority ethic groups coalesce. Find one and go. You might end up discovering a unique restaurant, clothing store, or custom. Think of is as being an anthropologist with out the degree.
Have a great weekend.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
What The Grammy Awards Tell Us About America
The Grammy nominations came out yesterday and the inclusion of the British songstress, Adele - mega hit "Rolling In The Deep" - got me thinking about how much today's musical landscape thrives on blurring racial lines.
When Adele came out with her first album, "19" back in 2008, the first single off of it had most people thinking she was a black women. Like Amy Winehouse before her, this actually allowed her to cross over into black households that embraced her soulful, and "soul-filled", voice (black folks love a white woman who sings like a black woman).
I doubt that was her goal but it couldn't have hurt record sales.
Today, we see all kinds of artist of various racial backgrounds mixing, cross pollinating, and merging all the different genres (What's a Bruno Mars?). The thought of their being a certain type of music for Blacks, and another for Whites is almost complexly non-existent
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| Bruno Mars (Puerto Rican and Filipino) |
Back in the day however - I'm talking 1930's back in the day - Getting a cross over hit was a hard thing to do, especially if you were a Black artist who wanted White people to listen to your tunes. (Call it "sonic segregation").
When Jazz came on the scene, the culture started to change. In the '30's, the leftist ideology felt that jazz music was more inclusive. The music was even used as a political tool to attract younger black people to the communist party (talk about a crossover, am I right?).
Politics is like a volatile chemical substance, If you mix it with something else, the result can be explosive (like Mentos and Soda).
The mixture of Jazz into politics set off a movement that advanced black music into new territories. American born Jews started hanging out with their black brothers and sisters and gained each others support.
In a way, the movement forced the rest of the country to accept Jazz as true American music. That help Blacks folks gain a foothold by a White audience. By many measures, the movement was a success; bringing White intellectuals, Jewish impresarios, and Black and White music artist together.
And music continues to bring us all together still to this day.
The Gammy nominations - and the awards show itself - is the best snapshot of how far crossed-over we are. When the show is broadcast Feb 12, next year, the audience at home will be having a good time mixing things up, with a little pop from Katy Perry, dancing her but off to by David Guetta and rolling in the deep with Adele.
And like Micheal Jackson once sang "It doesn't matter if you're Black or White just buy my record (Okay he didn't say the last part but he was thinking it)
---------------------------------------------------
Reference: "Swingin' the Dream" by Lewis A. Erenberg
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
A Note To the Entrepreneur In All of Us
I find it weird that in America we revere the entrepreneur but teach people that they should go to college, graduate, and get a nice job with a good company. It's a confusing message. Folks talk about the 'entrepreneurial spirit' as if it's something you're either born with or you're not. We're taught to respect that but aren't taught to cultivate it in ourselves. Why not treat it as something that needs to be seeded in us from a young age, nurtured and grown strong?
When I was growing up I watched a lot of television - way too much for my mothers liking. She was afraid it would make me stupid (the jury is still out on that one). I remember her many attempts to curb me and my younger brothers appetite for the boob tube, including putting a lock on the cord.
It never lasted long; I would be back to my addiction in no time. My mother didn't get it. What she thought was zapping my mental potential was actually teaching me things too.
The characters I watched everyday represented America and her values - as I understood them as a child.
I don't know if I was born with an entrepreneurial spirit, but I know I got a taste of it by watching the fantasy Americans on TV.
The lemonade stand is a theme I can fondly remember being repeated through out the shows of my childhood. A spunky little white boy or girl, usually with their little brother or sister as co-owners, would set up a stand and start raking in the big bucks (.25 is huge to kid!)
One summer, my brother and I, having decided we would set up a lemonade stand, like the ones we saw the kids on TV do, went to work. I grabbed the powdered 'all natural' lemonade mix, some sugar (lots of sugar), a plastic container and made what, we truly believed, was the best (and sweetest) refreshing lemon based beverage.
After setting up a table in the backyard, our plastic cups on one side, our 'Lemonade' sign on the other, we were ready for business.
A few hours went by and we did not sell a drop of lemonade. Children are sensitive at any age and don't often handle disappointment well but we didn't get sad. Besides, working up a thirst by playing karate, we were pretty satisfied because for a couple of hours we got to be, entrepreneurs.
When I was growing up I watched a lot of television - way too much for my mothers liking. She was afraid it would make me stupid (the jury is still out on that one). I remember her many attempts to curb me and my younger brothers appetite for the boob tube, including putting a lock on the cord.
It never lasted long; I would be back to my addiction in no time. My mother didn't get it. What she thought was zapping my mental potential was actually teaching me things too.
The characters I watched everyday represented America and her values - as I understood them as a child.
I don't know if I was born with an entrepreneurial spirit, but I know I got a taste of it by watching the fantasy Americans on TV.
The lemonade stand is a theme I can fondly remember being repeated through out the shows of my childhood. A spunky little white boy or girl, usually with their little brother or sister as co-owners, would set up a stand and start raking in the big bucks (.25 is huge to kid!)
One summer, my brother and I, having decided we would set up a lemonade stand, like the ones we saw the kids on TV do, went to work. I grabbed the powdered 'all natural' lemonade mix, some sugar (lots of sugar), a plastic container and made what, we truly believed, was the best (and sweetest) refreshing lemon based beverage.
After setting up a table in the backyard, our plastic cups on one side, our 'Lemonade' sign on the other, we were ready for business.
A few hours went by and we did not sell a drop of lemonade. Children are sensitive at any age and don't often handle disappointment well but we didn't get sad. Besides, working up a thirst by playing karate, we were pretty satisfied because for a couple of hours we got to be, entrepreneurs.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Top 22 Popular Brand Names You're Saying Wrong
A trademark is a rule that says one company can not use the names of products, services, logos, symbols or catchphrases of another company. They're put in place so we, the ever consuming horde (I'm looking at you, lady who pepper sprayed her war through a K-Mart for black Friday deals), will not confuse one companies product with, the possibly, crappy version another.
And the fact that a trademark could be worth billions of dollars is just coincidental (Just go with it okay). What companies really care about is making sure we get the quality and performance we associate with their brand.
Imagine if every high fructose, vanilla, and carbonated water mix was called Coke. That would be a scary world to live in. Except for reading the label, we would have no idea what we're drinking.
So companies with deep pockets and a lot to lose will go to great extents to protect their trademarks (Release the hounds! and by "hounds" I mean lawyers). They spend millions of dollars to let you know that, that thing you like to eat, drink, or drive? Yeah, that's our thing and it's the best high quality thing.
And they do a great job at it, in fact, they do such a great job at it, that it backfires on them. The product is so well advertised, so well trademarked it goes - cue record scratch - generic. That means it literally starts being a stand in for a generic version of the same product.
You would be surprised at how many times this happens. Here's a list of 22 popular trademarks that have suffered the generic curse.
1. Invented in 1921 Band-Aid, owned by Johnson & Johnson, quickly became the catch all for any adhesive bandage.
2. Smith & Wesson was the first to own Breathalyser - the company that made the gadget that measures alcohol content. Now, anytime someone sticks a tube in your mouth and tells you to blow, they call it a breathalyser (Unless, You know, It's not).
3. Brillo has been around for at least 100 years now. So, instead of asking the guy at the .99 store where you can find a 'scouring pad'; you just say, "Yo, where the Brillo?" At least that's what I say.
4. Clorox maybe 'bleach', but not all bleach is Clorox. Most people don't care what it's called, as long it gets the pit stains out of their white tees.
5. Quick, if I handed you a run of the mill lip balm that wasn't Chap Stick would you care?
6. Unless you bake a lot of pies (and quite frankly, who doesn't?) you would be forgiven for not knowing that Cool Whip, is just a brand of desert topping, not the desert topping itself.
7. I once bought a "drain opener" that I thought was the long form name for Drano. Needless to say, my tub was still clogged after using it. That, my friends, is what trademarks are for.
8. The Wham-O toy company owns the right to the Frisbee name. If you call your flying disk the same name, they will sue you. You've been warned.
9. The Hi-Liter, being born in 1962, is pretty young to be an icon for all color markers. It feels like it was just yesterday the Avery Dennison Corporation invented and trademarked it.
10. Who would have thought that a company named Jacuzzi would pioneer a whirlpool bathtub and spa, with massaging jets, that would change the face of sleazy reality shows forever? Now their name is synonymous with hot tub.
11. Kraft Foods probably doesn't like that every gelatin dessert in the world is called Jell-O. I mean really, What would you rather eat? Gelatin pudding, or Jell-O?
12. The generic name for fast acting adhesive is Cyanoacrylate. Nobody was going to go around asking for Cyanoacrylate. So we pay a little extra to call it something we all can pronounce - Krazy Glue.
13. Mace Security International, Inc. came into prominence in the early '90s when it started making its premiere product - pepper spray. It was aggressively marketed as a non lethal, legal option for self defense; Its popularity grew so much that people identified the spray with the company name.
14. There was a time where everything that sopped up your babies messy bottom was called Pampers. After 60 years you don't really hear that anymore. But you probably can smell it.
15. Calling table tennis Ping-Pong, is like calling basketball Spalding. They make the tools for the game, but they are not the game.
16. When Minneapolis based, Innovative Sports was sold in the early 80's the companies name was changed to Rollerblade. Since 1983 all in line skates have been falsely referred to by that name, no matter who the manufacturer is.
17. Polytetrafluoroethylene (I'll give you a second), is considered to be the most slippery substance known to man. DuPont applied it to pots and pans and marketed it as Teflon. Other companies make non-stick cookware; to DuPonts chagrin, we all call those Teflon too.
18. The misuse of this one is understandable. Vaseline sounds like a technical name for petroleum jelly. Yet, as you can guess from its inclusion on this list, it's not. Interestingly enough, the inventor of petroleum jelly, Robert Chesebrough, was the first to market it under the name Vaseline.
19. Windex has been around since 1933. That is a lot of clean glass. The popularity of Windex - trademarked by S.C. Johnson - led to the generic use of the name for similar window cleaners under different brands.
20. BIC keeps a tight hold on the "Wite-Out" name and still produces products under it. That doesn't stop everybody else from calling other correction fluids by the same name.
21. Xerox is the prototypical example of a rogue trademark. It started off as the leader in the photo copy field, saturated the consciousness of the public, and got co-opted to mean photo copy.
22. Finally, Ziploc is just one of those brands whose name says it all. You zip it, to lock it. There is no room to remember all the names of other reusable, resealable zipper storage bags.
And the fact that a trademark could be worth billions of dollars is just coincidental (Just go with it okay). What companies really care about is making sure we get the quality and performance we associate with their brand.
Imagine if every high fructose, vanilla, and carbonated water mix was called Coke. That would be a scary world to live in. Except for reading the label, we would have no idea what we're drinking.
So companies with deep pockets and a lot to lose will go to great extents to protect their trademarks (Release the hounds! and by "hounds" I mean lawyers). They spend millions of dollars to let you know that, that thing you like to eat, drink, or drive? Yeah, that's our thing and it's the best high quality thing.
And they do a great job at it, in fact, they do such a great job at it, that it backfires on them. The product is so well advertised, so well trademarked it goes - cue record scratch - generic. That means it literally starts being a stand in for a generic version of the same product.
You would be surprised at how many times this happens. Here's a list of 22 popular trademarks that have suffered the generic curse.
1. Invented in 1921 Band-Aid, owned by Johnson & Johnson, quickly became the catch all for any adhesive bandage.
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2. Smith & Wesson was the first to own Breathalyser - the company that made the gadget that measures alcohol content. Now, anytime someone sticks a tube in your mouth and tells you to blow, they call it a breathalyser (Unless, You know, It's not).
3. Brillo has been around for at least 100 years now. So, instead of asking the guy at the .99 store where you can find a 'scouring pad'; you just say, "Yo, where the Brillo?" At least that's what I say.
4. Clorox maybe 'bleach', but not all bleach is Clorox. Most people don't care what it's called, as long it gets the pit stains out of their white tees.
5. Quick, if I handed you a run of the mill lip balm that wasn't Chap Stick would you care?
6. Unless you bake a lot of pies (and quite frankly, who doesn't?) you would be forgiven for not knowing that Cool Whip, is just a brand of desert topping, not the desert topping itself.
7. I once bought a "drain opener" that I thought was the long form name for Drano. Needless to say, my tub was still clogged after using it. That, my friends, is what trademarks are for.
8. The Wham-O toy company owns the right to the Frisbee name. If you call your flying disk the same name, they will sue you. You've been warned.
9. The Hi-Liter, being born in 1962, is pretty young to be an icon for all color markers. It feels like it was just yesterday the Avery Dennison Corporation invented and trademarked it.
10. Who would have thought that a company named Jacuzzi would pioneer a whirlpool bathtub and spa, with massaging jets, that would change the face of sleazy reality shows forever? Now their name is synonymous with hot tub.
11. Kraft Foods probably doesn't like that every gelatin dessert in the world is called Jell-O. I mean really, What would you rather eat? Gelatin pudding, or Jell-O?
12. The generic name for fast acting adhesive is Cyanoacrylate. Nobody was going to go around asking for Cyanoacrylate. So we pay a little extra to call it something we all can pronounce - Krazy Glue.
13. Mace Security International, Inc. came into prominence in the early '90s when it started making its premiere product - pepper spray. It was aggressively marketed as a non lethal, legal option for self defense; Its popularity grew so much that people identified the spray with the company name.
14. There was a time where everything that sopped up your babies messy bottom was called Pampers. After 60 years you don't really hear that anymore. But you probably can smell it.
15. Calling table tennis Ping-Pong, is like calling basketball Spalding. They make the tools for the game, but they are not the game.
20. BIC keeps a tight hold on the "Wite-Out" name and still produces products under it. That doesn't stop everybody else from calling other correction fluids by the same name.
21. Xerox is the prototypical example of a rogue trademark. It started off as the leader in the photo copy field, saturated the consciousness of the public, and got co-opted to mean photo copy.
22. Finally, Ziploc is just one of those brands whose name says it all. You zip it, to lock it. There is no room to remember all the names of other reusable, resealable zipper storage bags.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Inspiration (Almost) Drove Me Insane
In-spi-ra-tion n. The stimulation within the mind of some
idea, feeling, or impulse which leads to creative action.
Last night, I went to bed with the word "Inspiration" buzzing in my head. Having established a routine of getting up early and typing out that days post (with an idea or outline already done the day before), I sat in front of my computer ready to write something about inspiration. An hour passed, then another, and another, still nothing came out. Surely, this was the gods of irony playing a trick on me.
I paced around as if my feet could will the words into my brain, like one of those bike powered generators at Occupy Wall St.. And yet nothing came (no surprise there - I wasn't wearing my thinkin' shoes).
I don't like to file a post after 10am, it makes me feel lazy. As that dreaded hour steadily approached, I began to have a serious bought of anxiety. My head started to ache, I felt noxious, the room started to spin (It didn't but a spinning room always sounds good) I asked myself, Have I completely run out of - gasp - inspiration? What did I do to deserve this? Was it because I use too many conjunctions?
Before I knew it, my self imposed deadline was in the rear view mirror of my day. I was never ever going to get it back. The thought of that made me sad. I don't take failure very well. Rejection I can handle, failure drives me insane. Clearly this is due to my American values system, which taught to never give up, never surrender - to infinity and beyond! (I think Abe Lincoln said that).
If inspiration was not going to come to me, I would have to go to inspiration. But where does inspiration live? To help me track it down, I started to think about what the word itself meant.
After a quick visit to my dictionary, I was on to something. I could feel it. There was a twinge of something being sparked to life, Like Frankensteins monster, in my brain (Inspiration, is that you?) The next logical question had to be what inspired me?
What about that book you like so much?
You? Where have you been?
I went for walk.
A walk?
Yeah, a walk. Is there a problem?
No. No. It just doesn't sound like you.
I'm trying to work off the turkey weight.
Oh, I see. Anyway, Good idea!
Recently, I found myself reading Booker T. Washington's book, "Up From Slavery", the autobiography of a former slave who became one of the great icons of African-American history. I have had to read it, in the past, for junior high school, high school, and college for several teachers and a professor, on whose grades I depended on. This time I was doing it for fun (slavery, yay!).
In the book, Washington describes a particularly hard childhood saturated in poverty, ignorance, and back breaking labor. He writes,"My life had it's beginning in the midst of the most miserable, desolate, and discouraging surroundings". He was born as disadvantaged as anybody can ever imagine - as property. But somehow he changed all that.
SPIOLER ALERT: Booker T. Washington goes on to a bright future as head of the Tuskegee Institute, a scholar and an influential figure in America.
All the things he had to go through, makes me wonder why I can't be just as brave and courageous in the face of adversity. It motivates me, It encourages me, It - inspires me.
In hindsight it struck me that I had taken inspiration for granted. You do not get an idea out of some surreal phantom zone of your own creation. It's an active process based on things we have seen, touched, smelled, tasted and felt.
Next time, I'll remember that before I sit in front of the computer. (and maybe stop using so many conjunctions too...)
idea, feeling, or impulse which leads to creative action.
Last night, I went to bed with the word "Inspiration" buzzing in my head. Having established a routine of getting up early and typing out that days post (with an idea or outline already done the day before), I sat in front of my computer ready to write something about inspiration. An hour passed, then another, and another, still nothing came out. Surely, this was the gods of irony playing a trick on me.
I paced around as if my feet could will the words into my brain, like one of those bike powered generators at Occupy Wall St.. And yet nothing came (no surprise there - I wasn't wearing my thinkin' shoes).
I don't like to file a post after 10am, it makes me feel lazy. As that dreaded hour steadily approached, I began to have a serious bought of anxiety. My head started to ache, I felt noxious, the room started to spin (It didn't but a spinning room always sounds good) I asked myself, Have I completely run out of - gasp - inspiration? What did I do to deserve this? Was it because I use too many conjunctions?
Before I knew it, my self imposed deadline was in the rear view mirror of my day. I was never ever going to get it back. The thought of that made me sad. I don't take failure very well. Rejection I can handle, failure drives me insane. Clearly this is due to my American values system, which taught to never give up, never surrender - to infinity and beyond! (I think Abe Lincoln said that).
If inspiration was not going to come to me, I would have to go to inspiration. But where does inspiration live? To help me track it down, I started to think about what the word itself meant.
After a quick visit to my dictionary, I was on to something. I could feel it. There was a twinge of something being sparked to life, Like Frankensteins monster, in my brain (Inspiration, is that you?) The next logical question had to be what inspired me?
What about that book you like so much?
You? Where have you been?
I went for walk.
A walk?
Yeah, a walk. Is there a problem?
No. No. It just doesn't sound like you.
I'm trying to work off the turkey weight.
Oh, I see. Anyway, Good idea!
Recently, I found myself reading Booker T. Washington's book, "Up From Slavery", the autobiography of a former slave who became one of the great icons of African-American history. I have had to read it, in the past, for junior high school, high school, and college for several teachers and a professor, on whose grades I depended on. This time I was doing it for fun (slavery, yay!).
In the book, Washington describes a particularly hard childhood saturated in poverty, ignorance, and back breaking labor. He writes,"My life had it's beginning in the midst of the most miserable, desolate, and discouraging surroundings". He was born as disadvantaged as anybody can ever imagine - as property. But somehow he changed all that.
SPIOLER ALERT: Booker T. Washington goes on to a bright future as head of the Tuskegee Institute, a scholar and an influential figure in America.
All the things he had to go through, makes me wonder why I can't be just as brave and courageous in the face of adversity. It motivates me, It encourages me, It - inspires me.
In hindsight it struck me that I had taken inspiration for granted. You do not get an idea out of some surreal phantom zone of your own creation. It's an active process based on things we have seen, touched, smelled, tasted and felt.
Next time, I'll remember that before I sit in front of the computer. (and maybe stop using so many conjunctions too...)
Friday, November 25, 2011
"You Have a Little Racism Stuck in Your Teeth."
It's not the kind of thing people want to hear about the day after Thanksgiving. In fact, most people are still too jacked up on cranberry sauce and sweet potato pie to even care. but it's been nagging at me all week - racism. It's still here.
As a man of color (that sounds so dignified, doesn't it?) I have had to deal with that ugly little troll of racism, living under Americas draw bridge, many times. I've been profiled by storekeepers, harassed by police officers (wrong neighborhood, wrong color), and been the victim of - this is surely the worst - stereotyping. (living in the great melting pot that is New York, I can only imagine how much worse it is in other places)
It's hard sometimes to explain to someone, who hasn't had any of those experiences, what it feels like to be discriminated against (never-mind for something you can't change - nor would ever want to). You wouldn't believe some of the skeptical looks you can get telling someone how, after sizing two jackets, the owner of the vintage clothing store kicked you and your Palestinian friend out because you were "trying on too much clothes".
Society has conditioned me to be sensitive to those awkward, often infuriating racially flavored situations. That's just the way it is. But some people don't have the same perspective to properly understand it.
What happens when the person who doesn't "get it" is a friend or acquaintance of yours? What do you do when it's that cool guy from work - the one you're always joking with about how much you hate your job - who says something a little racist? This can lead to a pretty uncomfortable conversation. (Omg! Johny's a racist. I knew it!)
I like to think that in those types of situations, I've handled it the right way (by screaming RACIST! and walking away). The truth is, when confronted with a little taste of something prejudice from someone close, I gloss over it. I don't want to make things weird. but by doing that, it invariably always makes things weird. I can never look at Johny the same again, he's a racist.
It turns out, One of the most, if not the most, difficult things to talk about in America isn't as simple as 'racist vs. not racist'. There is room for shades of grey in the discussion.
In his 'ah-ha moment' inducing Tedx Talk presentation, entitled "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Talking About Race.", WBAI radio show host, Jay Smooth, talks about the techniques he used to make the conversation about race and racism more nuanced. (I wish I'd seen this before I talked to Johny)
Smooth makes a good point, wouldn't you say? I would.
Like I said at the beginning, this topic has been on my mind all week (actually since Tuesday but who's counting?). Here's why; a very pretty young white girl posted a photo of herself on Facebook (remember my addiction? Go back and read "My Angry Letter to Facebook") giving the middle finger and captioning it "fuck these niggas".
I felt offended by that and wanted to post a comment telling her so, but I didn't. Why? I didn't want to be one of "those" people who always start arguments over race. Besides, I thought, It's her facebook, she can do what she ever she wants. But it still nagged at me.
Clearly, I wasn't doing this young girl any favors by not telling her. I had to say something.
When I got up today, I decided to go on her page and leave a comment (better late than never right?).
"You using that word makes me uncomfortable".
Concise and emotionally relevant.
In this case, waiting four days to say that was a good thing. There's probably a hundred different ways I could have phrased that comment to her - And not all of them would have been as dignified. But I wish I would have said something earlier.
With racism, when you see it poke it's ugly little head out, you got to stomp it out right there. The little moments, left unattended, can cause just as much harm as the big stuff.
Before you know it, it's at the Thanksgiving dinner table and you've "got a little racism stuck in your teeth."
and that's something nobody wants to think about.
As a man of color (that sounds so dignified, doesn't it?) I have had to deal with that ugly little troll of racism, living under Americas draw bridge, many times. I've been profiled by storekeepers, harassed by police officers (wrong neighborhood, wrong color), and been the victim of - this is surely the worst - stereotyping. (living in the great melting pot that is New York, I can only imagine how much worse it is in other places)
It's hard sometimes to explain to someone, who hasn't had any of those experiences, what it feels like to be discriminated against (never-mind for something you can't change - nor would ever want to). You wouldn't believe some of the skeptical looks you can get telling someone how, after sizing two jackets, the owner of the vintage clothing store kicked you and your Palestinian friend out because you were "trying on too much clothes".
Society has conditioned me to be sensitive to those awkward, often infuriating racially flavored situations. That's just the way it is. But some people don't have the same perspective to properly understand it.
What happens when the person who doesn't "get it" is a friend or acquaintance of yours? What do you do when it's that cool guy from work - the one you're always joking with about how much you hate your job - who says something a little racist? This can lead to a pretty uncomfortable conversation. (Omg! Johny's a racist. I knew it!)
I like to think that in those types of situations, I've handled it the right way (by screaming RACIST! and walking away). The truth is, when confronted with a little taste of something prejudice from someone close, I gloss over it. I don't want to make things weird. but by doing that, it invariably always makes things weird. I can never look at Johny the same again, he's a racist.
It turns out, One of the most, if not the most, difficult things to talk about in America isn't as simple as 'racist vs. not racist'. There is room for shades of grey in the discussion.
In his 'ah-ha moment' inducing Tedx Talk presentation, entitled "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Talking About Race.", WBAI radio show host, Jay Smooth, talks about the techniques he used to make the conversation about race and racism more nuanced. (I wish I'd seen this before I talked to Johny)
Smooth makes a good point, wouldn't you say? I would.
Like I said at the beginning, this topic has been on my mind all week (actually since Tuesday but who's counting?). Here's why; a very pretty young white girl posted a photo of herself on Facebook (remember my addiction? Go back and read "My Angry Letter to Facebook") giving the middle finger and captioning it "fuck these niggas".
I felt offended by that and wanted to post a comment telling her so, but I didn't. Why? I didn't want to be one of "those" people who always start arguments over race. Besides, I thought, It's her facebook, she can do what she ever she wants. But it still nagged at me.
Clearly, I wasn't doing this young girl any favors by not telling her. I had to say something.
When I got up today, I decided to go on her page and leave a comment (better late than never right?).
"You using that word makes me uncomfortable".
Concise and emotionally relevant.
In this case, waiting four days to say that was a good thing. There's probably a hundred different ways I could have phrased that comment to her - And not all of them would have been as dignified. But I wish I would have said something earlier.
With racism, when you see it poke it's ugly little head out, you got to stomp it out right there. The little moments, left unattended, can cause just as much harm as the big stuff.
Before you know it, it's at the Thanksgiving dinner table and you've "got a little racism stuck in your teeth."
and that's something nobody wants to think about.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Rumors & Gossip - Part 2: Only Invite the Cool kids
Gossip
"I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was at greenhouse last night partying and making out with [insert sexy supermodel] until 3am."
Rumor
"I heard, the Batman sequel is going to be all in 3D, like that movie with all the blue people."
The difference between rumor and gossip seems minor doesn't it? In most cases, it is, but, generally, rumor is the only one you can spin to your advantage. Because a rumor is often, but not always, something that can be verified at a later time - when the movie opens in the theaters, in the case of my above example - it can create anticipation. And anticipation creates buzz, buzz creates popularity, and popularity leads to business (I'm talking jobs people!).
Have you heard of Tom Ferris? He created the four hour work week. He's really a motivated guy, you should look him up, he will inspire you. Tom did some research and found out that "according to various estimates somewhere around 80% of jobs get filled informally."
That means the majority of people get their jobs from people they know (the rest just keep going on Craigslist hoping that 'Personal Assistant' job that pays 100/hr is real).
In 'Rumors & Gossip; Part 1' (yesterdays post. you should check it out) I talked about how actors and corporations sometimes use public relations people to change their image. In this crazy 9% unemployment world we live in, a bad image could be the difference between a good Turkey dinner (happy thanksgiving!) and a turkey sandwich from subway (not so happy thanksgiving?!).
Wouldn't it make sense to do a little PR for yourself?
Ever notice how many parties, functions, and charity events celebrities go to? That's not for fun. Okay, it is for fun, but it's also for work. Every single time Kim Kardashian steps into a nightclub, she is building her brand (that's the new fancy talk of the day, "brand this, brand that..Brandy?").
You don't have to be famous to build your brand though. We're all tiny little brands in our own worlds. You can host a small social event - a dinner, a get together - and invite a small, but varied mix of friends and acquaintances. (the cool kids!)
People in PR know the importance of a good party. In your own party, you get to talk face to face with people about your interests, your goals, and if you happen to mention that your looking for a new job, that wouldn't be bad either.
And if the informal mix of people generates good vibes among your guests, guess what? You win too. The next time you're getting ready to host another shindig (I don't get to use the that word enough) the buzz will be buzzy.
Being your own public relations agent is about controlling and creating that buzz about you. A rumor is just a sexy way of letting people know what you're up to.
I can hear you now; But I don't want to throw a 'get together'. First, stop whining, it's not cute. Second, You don't have to. Keeping up appearances can have the same benefits of throwing a nice get together. When someone awesome or well connected sends you an invite, make the best effort to be there, even if it's for just a few hours.
A lot of people would rather not bother with the work of being social, because they feel it brings too much stress and drama.
I don't like people talking behind my back.
Why do you keep interrupting me?
Sorry.
People are going to talk about you no matter what. If they're not, that is just a blow to your brand. The best thing you can do is get the information, stories or rumors about you out yourself. It's up to you to make sure whatever is being said, is something you want to be heard.
"Man, that Batman movie is gonna be sooo awesome. I can't wait!"
-------------------------------------------
Note:
When I refer to your 'brand' I'm not necessarily talking about anything involving the entertainment business. God knows we don't need another Kim Kardashian.
Your brand can be anything, whether you do hair, fix elevators, file taxes or sell houses. Your brand is what you do and the lifestyle image that presents.
As always, I welcome any questions, comments or corrections. leave them here, or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
"I heard, Leonardo DiCaprio was at greenhouse last night partying and making out with [insert sexy supermodel] until 3am."
Rumor
"I heard, the Batman sequel is going to be all in 3D, like that movie with all the blue people."
The difference between rumor and gossip seems minor doesn't it? In most cases, it is, but, generally, rumor is the only one you can spin to your advantage. Because a rumor is often, but not always, something that can be verified at a later time - when the movie opens in the theaters, in the case of my above example - it can create anticipation. And anticipation creates buzz, buzz creates popularity, and popularity leads to business (I'm talking jobs people!).
Have you heard of Tom Ferris? He created the four hour work week. He's really a motivated guy, you should look him up, he will inspire you. Tom did some research and found out that "according to various estimates somewhere around 80% of jobs get filled informally."
That means the majority of people get their jobs from people they know (the rest just keep going on Craigslist hoping that 'Personal Assistant' job that pays 100/hr is real).
In 'Rumors & Gossip; Part 1' (yesterdays post. you should check it out) I talked about how actors and corporations sometimes use public relations people to change their image. In this crazy 9% unemployment world we live in, a bad image could be the difference between a good Turkey dinner (happy thanksgiving!) and a turkey sandwich from subway (not so happy thanksgiving?!).
Wouldn't it make sense to do a little PR for yourself?
Ever notice how many parties, functions, and charity events celebrities go to? That's not for fun. Okay, it is for fun, but it's also for work. Every single time Kim Kardashian steps into a nightclub, she is building her brand (that's the new fancy talk of the day, "brand this, brand that..Brandy?").
You don't have to be famous to build your brand though. We're all tiny little brands in our own worlds. You can host a small social event - a dinner, a get together - and invite a small, but varied mix of friends and acquaintances. (the cool kids!)
People in PR know the importance of a good party. In your own party, you get to talk face to face with people about your interests, your goals, and if you happen to mention that your looking for a new job, that wouldn't be bad either.
And if the informal mix of people generates good vibes among your guests, guess what? You win too. The next time you're getting ready to host another shindig (I don't get to use the that word enough) the buzz will be buzzy.
Being your own public relations agent is about controlling and creating that buzz about you. A rumor is just a sexy way of letting people know what you're up to.
I can hear you now; But I don't want to throw a 'get together'. First, stop whining, it's not cute. Second, You don't have to. Keeping up appearances can have the same benefits of throwing a nice get together. When someone awesome or well connected sends you an invite, make the best effort to be there, even if it's for just a few hours.
A lot of people would rather not bother with the work of being social, because they feel it brings too much stress and drama.
I don't like people talking behind my back.
Why do you keep interrupting me?
Sorry.
People are going to talk about you no matter what. If they're not, that is just a blow to your brand. The best thing you can do is get the information, stories or rumors about you out yourself. It's up to you to make sure whatever is being said, is something you want to be heard.
"Man, that Batman movie is gonna be sooo awesome. I can't wait!"
-------------------------------------------
Note:
When I refer to your 'brand' I'm not necessarily talking about anything involving the entertainment business. God knows we don't need another Kim Kardashian.
Your brand can be anything, whether you do hair, fix elevators, file taxes or sell houses. Your brand is what you do and the lifestyle image that presents.
As always, I welcome any questions, comments or corrections. leave them here, or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Rumors & Gossip - Part 1: The Ugly Truth Nobody Ever Told You
"Psst, Want to hear an unverified account or explanation of events, possibly pertaining to an event involving you, and circulating from person to person?"
"What?"
"An unverified account or..(pause)...man, a rumor. Do you want to hear a rumor?"
"A rumor? You mean gossip?"
"No, gossip is for lowlifes! I'm not comfortable spreading peoples intimate facts."
"What's the difference?"
"Well my friend, the difference is that a rumor is not always a bad thing and gossip is for gossipers. That just sounds bad. You never hear people going around saying "so and so is a rumorer" do you you?"
"No, but I've heard of a rumor monger."
"Do you want to hear it our not?"
"Yes."
(pause)
"What's wrong?"
"I forgot what I was going to tell you."
If I were a betting man - and the stack of "Win for Life" scratch offs I have pile in the corner of bedroom can attest to the affirmative - I would say, if you ask most people out there (out where? out there! the world) if they like gossip, most of them would say no. In fact, most would have an almost physical negative reaction to even being asked the question; their face contorting into a scary frown - what kind of person do you think I am, a gossip?!
Nobody is ever going to say they like gossip. Remember telephone? - that illustrative classroom game that was meant to teach us that spreading hearsay is wrong? (not sure it worked very well. that game was kind of fun) If you haven't played this game as a child, it's where a message is passed from one person to another- by cupping your hand over your classmates ear and whispering - until it reaches the last person in the room. The point of the game is realized when the last person tells everyone what she was told. Without fail, what that last person said had absolutely no resemblance to the original message - and everyone would convulse with laughter (like I said, fun game. Probably why everyone loves gossip).
Rumors on the other hand, seems to have gotten away a little cleaner than its cousin - Gossipy La Roux. Gossipy is the one that smokes cigarettes in the bathroom, cheats on her math test, and has a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle. Rumors occasionally brings home a bad grade or curses on the train ride home from school (is that too much of a New York reference?).
While Gossipy went on to have several children from several different suitors, Rumor went on to a fabulous job in the glamorous, competitive world of public relations. As a PR person she gets to use her natural mongering skills to effect opinion on a certain product, company, or person.
Celebrities who have bad reputations hire public relations people to change their image around. Because nobody wants to work with an asshole - nobody (except maybe a proctologist). Corporations do it too, when they want to seem warm and fuzzy and caring, they hire a public relations person to put together a charity function for the upcoming disease of the month. Even that disease of the month might have a PR team helping it hook up with that corporation.
What's your reputation? You probably don't spend much time thinking about that (Next time on Maury: I don't care what nobody think...you don't know me..you. don't. know meee) You're too busy buying sheep on Farmville to give a hoot what people out there (out where? let's not do this again) are saying about you.
But you should give a hoot. We live in a huge social community. What people on your Facebook friends list think about you could create surprising new opportunities.
Be your own public relations person.
There other day someone on my Facebook friends list posted a status update about getting braiding hair. She also mentioned that she was willing to gain practice by doing anyone hair for free who wanted it. Later on, another friend of mind put out a status asking if anybody knew how to do hair. Knowing my friend was learning hair techniques, I immediately contacted her.
So, by offering free hair braiding inadvertently created a job opportunity for the first girl. It created goodwill. I saw her as humble and thought she would have the right attitude to work with the second friend.
There are other things you can learn from professional flacks and rumor mongers too (industry term for PR person, I was getting tired of writing "PR person" there it goes again, ahhh!!) so I'll leave it tomorrow.
Rumor is, it'll be good.
--------------------------------------------
Tomorrow:
Part 2: Only Invite the Cool Kids
"What?"
"An unverified account or..(pause)...man, a rumor. Do you want to hear a rumor?"
"A rumor? You mean gossip?"
"No, gossip is for lowlifes! I'm not comfortable spreading peoples intimate facts."
"What's the difference?"
"Well my friend, the difference is that a rumor is not always a bad thing and gossip is for gossipers. That just sounds bad. You never hear people going around saying "so and so is a rumorer" do you you?"
"No, but I've heard of a rumor monger."
"Do you want to hear it our not?"
"Yes."
(pause)
"What's wrong?"
"I forgot what I was going to tell you."
If I were a betting man - and the stack of "Win for Life" scratch offs I have pile in the corner of bedroom can attest to the affirmative - I would say, if you ask most people out there (out where? out there! the world) if they like gossip, most of them would say no. In fact, most would have an almost physical negative reaction to even being asked the question; their face contorting into a scary frown - what kind of person do you think I am, a gossip?!
Nobody is ever going to say they like gossip. Remember telephone? - that illustrative classroom game that was meant to teach us that spreading hearsay is wrong? (not sure it worked very well. that game was kind of fun) If you haven't played this game as a child, it's where a message is passed from one person to another- by cupping your hand over your classmates ear and whispering - until it reaches the last person in the room. The point of the game is realized when the last person tells everyone what she was told. Without fail, what that last person said had absolutely no resemblance to the original message - and everyone would convulse with laughter (like I said, fun game. Probably why everyone loves gossip).
Rumors on the other hand, seems to have gotten away a little cleaner than its cousin - Gossipy La Roux. Gossipy is the one that smokes cigarettes in the bathroom, cheats on her math test, and has a boyfriend who rides a motorcycle. Rumors occasionally brings home a bad grade or curses on the train ride home from school (is that too much of a New York reference?).
While Gossipy went on to have several children from several different suitors, Rumor went on to a fabulous job in the glamorous, competitive world of public relations. As a PR person she gets to use her natural mongering skills to effect opinion on a certain product, company, or person.
Celebrities who have bad reputations hire public relations people to change their image around. Because nobody wants to work with an asshole - nobody (except maybe a proctologist). Corporations do it too, when they want to seem warm and fuzzy and caring, they hire a public relations person to put together a charity function for the upcoming disease of the month. Even that disease of the month might have a PR team helping it hook up with that corporation.
What's your reputation? You probably don't spend much time thinking about that (Next time on Maury: I don't care what nobody think...you don't know me..you. don't. know meee) You're too busy buying sheep on Farmville to give a hoot what people out there (out where? let's not do this again) are saying about you.
But you should give a hoot. We live in a huge social community. What people on your Facebook friends list think about you could create surprising new opportunities.
Be your own public relations person.
There other day someone on my Facebook friends list posted a status update about getting braiding hair. She also mentioned that she was willing to gain practice by doing anyone hair for free who wanted it. Later on, another friend of mind put out a status asking if anybody knew how to do hair. Knowing my friend was learning hair techniques, I immediately contacted her.
So, by offering free hair braiding inadvertently created a job opportunity for the first girl. It created goodwill. I saw her as humble and thought she would have the right attitude to work with the second friend.
There are other things you can learn from professional flacks and rumor mongers too (industry term for PR person, I was getting tired of writing "PR person" there it goes again, ahhh!!) so I'll leave it tomorrow.
Rumor is, it'll be good.
--------------------------------------------
Tomorrow:
Part 2: Only Invite the Cool Kids
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
My Angry Letter to Facebook
November 22, 2011
Mr. Mark Zuckerberg
President, Facebook Corp.
1601 S. California Ave.
Palo Alto, CA 94304
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg:
First, I would like to congratulate you on being one of richest men in the known universe, that is something I wish to one day accomplish with my own life (I've got a great idea for a 'microwave-dryer' combo that, if it works, will revolutionize the way we dry our food and heat our clothe). In just 8 years, Facebook, the little social network you started with your buddies in Harvard, has grown to more than 800 million active users all over the world. That's whole lot of "likes" right? Consequently, with everybody and their mother (literally, some people have to friend their moms, yikes!) connected by a couple of key strokes you've changed the way we all communicate - and this may surprise you, but it hasn't always been for the better.
One of the primary reasons I'm writing you today, is to make you aware of a crippling condition which is a direct result of your product - Facebook addiction. I've literally developed a psychological dependence on updating my status. My emotionally need for "likes" has spiraled out of control (It's so bad I post pictures beautiful food so I can get a "Like", nobody hates food so I always get a "like").
Most days I have it under control - only going on 3 or 4 times. Other days, I'm like Cookie Monster in front of a bag of Chips Ahoy.
In my Facebook Addicts Anonymous Group - or F.A.A.G for short - all the members are told to make a list of all persons on our friends list who caused us harm and de-friend them (unfriend?). That's when it struck me, although there are a few I want to unfriend for reasons both minor (really? another status update telling everyone your hungry) and unforgivable ("I just took my daily dump at work!" really?), to set things right I have to go to the heart of the problem.
Which brings me to the true purpose of this letter (even truer than my addiction). My F.A.A.G taught me that I can get my life back and become a true success. I know that writing you today, is the first step in a 145 character or less process (give or take), to making my dreams a reality (Twitter can be my morphine).
A well written letter, not comments or likes, is still the most important way to communicate to a giant business like the one you've built. And I hope you've gotten my message loud and clear. Basically, I would like to know how to make my "microwave-dryer" combo a social media sensation. Should I add a camera, so people can take photo's of the food they want to dry? What about a share button?
If you are interested in giving me any advice to my benefit or a healthy (read: lots of money!) pledge to fund the things on which all my hopes and dreams lay, give me call, write me a letter (following of the proper standards of a business letter of course) or you know, just Facebook me.
I look forward to checking my inbox.
Sincerely,
[signature]
Spadaque Volcimus
Mr. Mark Zuckerberg
President, Facebook Corp.
1601 S. California Ave.
Palo Alto, CA 94304
Dear Mr. Zuckerberg:
First, I would like to congratulate you on being one of richest men in the known universe, that is something I wish to one day accomplish with my own life (I've got a great idea for a 'microwave-dryer' combo that, if it works, will revolutionize the way we dry our food and heat our clothe). In just 8 years, Facebook, the little social network you started with your buddies in Harvard, has grown to more than 800 million active users all over the world. That's whole lot of "likes" right? Consequently, with everybody and their mother (literally, some people have to friend their moms, yikes!) connected by a couple of key strokes you've changed the way we all communicate - and this may surprise you, but it hasn't always been for the better.
One of the primary reasons I'm writing you today, is to make you aware of a crippling condition which is a direct result of your product - Facebook addiction. I've literally developed a psychological dependence on updating my status. My emotionally need for "likes" has spiraled out of control (It's so bad I post pictures beautiful food so I can get a "Like", nobody hates food so I always get a "like").
Most days I have it under control - only going on 3 or 4 times. Other days, I'm like Cookie Monster in front of a bag of Chips Ahoy.
In my Facebook Addicts Anonymous Group - or F.A.A.G for short - all the members are told to make a list of all persons on our friends list who caused us harm and de-friend them (unfriend?). That's when it struck me, although there are a few I want to unfriend for reasons both minor (really? another status update telling everyone your hungry) and unforgivable ("I just took my daily dump at work!" really?), to set things right I have to go to the heart of the problem.
Which brings me to the true purpose of this letter (even truer than my addiction). My F.A.A.G taught me that I can get my life back and become a true success. I know that writing you today, is the first step in a 145 character or less process (give or take), to making my dreams a reality (Twitter can be my morphine).
A well written letter, not comments or likes, is still the most important way to communicate to a giant business like the one you've built. And I hope you've gotten my message loud and clear. Basically, I would like to know how to make my "microwave-dryer" combo a social media sensation. Should I add a camera, so people can take photo's of the food they want to dry? What about a share button?
If you are interested in giving me any advice to my benefit or a healthy (read: lots of money!) pledge to fund the things on which all my hopes and dreams lay, give me call, write me a letter (following of the proper standards of a business letter of course) or you know, just Facebook me.
I look forward to checking my inbox.
Sincerely,
[signature]
Spadaque Volcimus
Monday, November 21, 2011
Respect, or That Time I Ate BBQ's Chicken in a Theatre
I have a notoriously bad memory. Sometimes I'm amazed I can remember what happened the week before. Unless I've written it down some where, or there's video evidence of what happened, I'm hard pressed to tell you when something occurred. I think it's because I choose to remember only things that happen out of the norm. You know, the things that stick out.
My time in high school gave me plenty of things worthy of remembering. Park West High School, on the west side of Manhattan, was a place with a not so good reputation. The school was a mixture of some of the roughest toughest kids from all five boroughs (by far the dominant borough in terms of share numbers was Brooklyn. The least was Staten Island, with only one kid from that borough attending the school). At least, that's how I remember it. To shade in the picture more clearly, there were other dynamics at play within the chemistry of Park West. There was, the aforementioned, roughest-toughest crowd (a racially diverse crowd), the geeks, the jocks (the basketball players and uh, the football "club"?, it was called a club because they didn't actually have a place to play football), and the kids just in the middle.
I'd like to think that I was a kid in the middle - not too geeky, not tough, just there. A middle kid in a high school like Park West could choose what memorable activities he would want to take part in. There were such exciting cultural experience like a race riot between the Spanish kids and the Black kids. You could work on your health with some cardio by outrunning the security guards. And if you needed some quiet time to work on you studies, "Catchmen" was your place (they called it Catchmen because that is what they do "Catch Men" who are cutting class). My school was one adventure after the next.
In my junior year (or was it senior?), I had an English teacher, Mr Shea, who got our class involved in a series of visits to the theater. Not the movies, the actual live actors, costumes, stage theater ( 'Theatre' if you're fancy). We would spend the class time reading classic plays like "Moliere" By Tartuffe, "A Cherry Orchard" By Chekhov, and "Romeo & Juliette" by Shakespeare. It was all thrilling for a budding actor (My junior year is when I started studying acting after school). Thanks for Mr. Shea, I was getting an infusion of culture that was energizing me, added fuel to my creative fire. But alas, I was still a Park West kid and my new knowledge was conflicting with my old Park Westy instincts.
Getting to go on one of these theater outings felt like a prison break to the entire class. We were all so excited. We got to leave the school, together, as one big amorphous blob of youth, hormones, noise bopping down the blocks of Manhattan toward the Cherry Lane Theater down on St. Marks.
Some friends and I would always sneak away from the group and buy food to eat during the performance. Invariably, It would me McDonald's or something. But one day, we decided to switch it up. This time we wanted something hardy, something flavorful, something....chicken. And it just so happened that a Dallas BBQ's was along the route to the theater. The play wouldn't be starting for at least a half hour, we had plenty of time to order our buffalo wings (my mouth is salivating just thinking about them) and go. By the time we got to the theater, our classmates had already found their seats, the lights were down, and the play already started.
Me and my two cohorts bumbled and fumbled our way to our seat, giggling along the way. Having successfully navigated the seating, we decided it was time to feast and delicately opened the wrapper covering the buffalo wings. The smell of the barbecue sauce and chicken filled the entire theater. Did we care? Hell no, we were young, dumb, and full of wings (you thought I was going somewhere else with that didn't you?).
I will always remember that day. Not just because it was sort of hilarious and exactly something a group of silly high school kids would do. I remember it because while biting down on one of my succulent tiny drum sticks, I had a flash of embarrassment. All the actors on stage were white, the audience was peppered with elderly white women. For a quick second, I thought, to these people I'm representing what young black youth are. Is this what I want that representation to be? While that thought was fleeting at the time, it's since come back to me over and over again along with the memory of that day.
Every time you step out of your house, you're representing something to other people, It's really not fair. Who wants to carry their entire gender, race, or socio-economic background on their back? That's a lot for anybody to bare.
Truth is, even without picking up the responsibility of being a symbol for other people, it's still thrust upon you. I didn't realize that when I was in high school but I do now (as an adult, isn't that the way it always works? ugh). I can't worry about what everybody else is going to do. I can't control the actions of anyone else. I develop my character - speech, posture, confidence - for my own self respect. Because how I do those things shows how much I care and love myself (got to love yourself first am I right?).
The things I remember in life are the things that stand out. It's the same with people. How you choose to be remembered is up to you.
-----------------------------------------
Special message to Park West High School : Thanks for the memories.
My time in high school gave me plenty of things worthy of remembering. Park West High School, on the west side of Manhattan, was a place with a not so good reputation. The school was a mixture of some of the roughest toughest kids from all five boroughs (by far the dominant borough in terms of share numbers was Brooklyn. The least was Staten Island, with only one kid from that borough attending the school). At least, that's how I remember it. To shade in the picture more clearly, there were other dynamics at play within the chemistry of Park West. There was, the aforementioned, roughest-toughest crowd (a racially diverse crowd), the geeks, the jocks (the basketball players and uh, the football "club"?, it was called a club because they didn't actually have a place to play football), and the kids just in the middle.
I'd like to think that I was a kid in the middle - not too geeky, not tough, just there. A middle kid in a high school like Park West could choose what memorable activities he would want to take part in. There were such exciting cultural experience like a race riot between the Spanish kids and the Black kids. You could work on your health with some cardio by outrunning the security guards. And if you needed some quiet time to work on you studies, "Catchmen" was your place (they called it Catchmen because that is what they do "Catch Men" who are cutting class). My school was one adventure after the next.
In my junior year (or was it senior?), I had an English teacher, Mr Shea, who got our class involved in a series of visits to the theater. Not the movies, the actual live actors, costumes, stage theater ( 'Theatre' if you're fancy). We would spend the class time reading classic plays like "Moliere" By Tartuffe, "A Cherry Orchard" By Chekhov, and "Romeo & Juliette" by Shakespeare. It was all thrilling for a budding actor (My junior year is when I started studying acting after school). Thanks for Mr. Shea, I was getting an infusion of culture that was energizing me, added fuel to my creative fire. But alas, I was still a Park West kid and my new knowledge was conflicting with my old Park Westy instincts.
Getting to go on one of these theater outings felt like a prison break to the entire class. We were all so excited. We got to leave the school, together, as one big amorphous blob of youth, hormones, noise bopping down the blocks of Manhattan toward the Cherry Lane Theater down on St. Marks.
Some friends and I would always sneak away from the group and buy food to eat during the performance. Invariably, It would me McDonald's or something. But one day, we decided to switch it up. This time we wanted something hardy, something flavorful, something....chicken. And it just so happened that a Dallas BBQ's was along the route to the theater. The play wouldn't be starting for at least a half hour, we had plenty of time to order our buffalo wings (my mouth is salivating just thinking about them) and go. By the time we got to the theater, our classmates had already found their seats, the lights were down, and the play already started.
Me and my two cohorts bumbled and fumbled our way to our seat, giggling along the way. Having successfully navigated the seating, we decided it was time to feast and delicately opened the wrapper covering the buffalo wings. The smell of the barbecue sauce and chicken filled the entire theater. Did we care? Hell no, we were young, dumb, and full of wings (you thought I was going somewhere else with that didn't you?).
I will always remember that day. Not just because it was sort of hilarious and exactly something a group of silly high school kids would do. I remember it because while biting down on one of my succulent tiny drum sticks, I had a flash of embarrassment. All the actors on stage were white, the audience was peppered with elderly white women. For a quick second, I thought, to these people I'm representing what young black youth are. Is this what I want that representation to be? While that thought was fleeting at the time, it's since come back to me over and over again along with the memory of that day.
Every time you step out of your house, you're representing something to other people, It's really not fair. Who wants to carry their entire gender, race, or socio-economic background on their back? That's a lot for anybody to bare.
Truth is, even without picking up the responsibility of being a symbol for other people, it's still thrust upon you. I didn't realize that when I was in high school but I do now (as an adult, isn't that the way it always works? ugh). I can't worry about what everybody else is going to do. I can't control the actions of anyone else. I develop my character - speech, posture, confidence - for my own self respect. Because how I do those things shows how much I care and love myself (got to love yourself first am I right?).
The things I remember in life are the things that stand out. It's the same with people. How you choose to be remembered is up to you.
-----------------------------------------
Special message to Park West High School : Thanks for the memories.
Friday, November 18, 2011
If You Don't Survive Thanksgiving, There's Always Christmas Dinner
I guess it's official right? We're in full swing of the holiday season. To be fair, it actually swung into full gear more than a month ago, when Halloween fever swept up the country in a candy induced frenzy. But with thanksgiving coming up on us fast it feels really real. There's just something about having to prepare a large meal, for family you haven't seen all year that screams "holiday, it's heerre".
No doubt about it, Thanksgiving is a joyous time of year (Fooood!!). But if you're the one who has to do all the cooking and hosting, thanksgiving can inspire scary feelings. It can make you want to rip out your hair at the mere mention of it. During thanksgiving, some people just have to show up with a side dish ("sidechick" in the case of your married uncle), eat up and have a good time. You on the other hand, you're in physical agony - sweaty palms, queasy stomach, pounding heart - over the idea of pulling off the perfect thanksgiving dinner. You have what I affectionately call, Thanksgiving day stage fright (or TDSF to you acronym loving people out there).
Putting on any social event is a big deal just by itself. The pressure multiplies 20 fold around the holiday season. In your desperation to make a good impression and perform well, you create all this tension that makes your enjoyment of your own event impossible. That my friend is TDSF. It's understandable though, for the people at your Thanksgiving dinner, you are the maestro; conducting the stage with an expert mixture of improvisation, technique, and cranberry sauce . All eyes are on you and you must succeed.
Then there are those annoying people who seem so cool under the hot glare of pulling of the thanksgiving spotlight. The prospect of having a bunch of family over, making sure they don't kill each other, and enjoy the meal, doesn't bother them one bit. They're cool under pressure. That's bullshit (My first blog curse, yay!).
Everybody suffers some kind of performance anxiety. The only difference is in how they handle it. Over time they just learned to control their nerves and harness it (like a superpower). You can make pretty good use of tension when you're preparing to host or even, attend, a holiday dinner with preparation (if you've read my other posts you know this is one of my favorite words).
Get your head in the game soldier! (sorry for mixing my metaphors) You don't have to be afraid of a little holiday - even the big ones. Good preparation was made for a holiday like Thanksgiving. Thorough preparation can guarantee that 90 percent of your night will go smoothly. When you are the host, you're the person with the greatest control (not the turkey, it is just a turkey).
First thing you'll want to do is make sure you know how many people are coming over. Tell them what time to show up and what time dinner will be served. This should be done at least 2 weeks before the big day. This will give you a good estimation of how much food should be purchased. Now, keep in mind, in these kooky modern times, people have certain food restrictions and allergies. It doesn't makes sense to take a list of everyone's "cant's", there should be a few alternative options (If your guest list is small go ahead and make that list). That's basically it (if your looking for cooking advice, you came to the wrong place).
The possibility always exists that something unexpected will happen (uncle eddy brought his mistress, great!), the main thing to remember during these trying times, is that your guest are there to have a good time. People are really sympathetic to the problem of being the Thanksgiving day dinner host. If they were the one doing it - and some have - they would be feeling the same way.
Around this time of year, euphemistically called the "holiday season", a lot is expected of us. It's a big stage where cheerfulness, giving, and mirth are the marks of a good performance. We've booked the theater (our house), we've bought the props (the food), and we've invited the audience (family and friends). Opening night is not too far away. You think to yourself, "It's all riding on me". You can do it. You can survive the holidays with a full head of hair. Thanksgiving day stage fright, much like regular stage fright, really isn't something to actually fear. You can take it and use it to get supercharged; giving you the energy to handle all the ups and downs that come with the holidays.
Everyone knows you're trying your best. We're all trying our best. And if things don't go as planned this time around, remember, there's always Christmas dinner.
No doubt about it, Thanksgiving is a joyous time of year (Fooood!!). But if you're the one who has to do all the cooking and hosting, thanksgiving can inspire scary feelings. It can make you want to rip out your hair at the mere mention of it. During thanksgiving, some people just have to show up with a side dish ("sidechick" in the case of your married uncle), eat up and have a good time. You on the other hand, you're in physical agony - sweaty palms, queasy stomach, pounding heart - over the idea of pulling off the perfect thanksgiving dinner. You have what I affectionately call, Thanksgiving day stage fright (or TDSF to you acronym loving people out there).
Putting on any social event is a big deal just by itself. The pressure multiplies 20 fold around the holiday season. In your desperation to make a good impression and perform well, you create all this tension that makes your enjoyment of your own event impossible. That my friend is TDSF. It's understandable though, for the people at your Thanksgiving dinner, you are the maestro; conducting the stage with an expert mixture of improvisation, technique, and cranberry sauce . All eyes are on you and you must succeed.
Then there are those annoying people who seem so cool under the hot glare of pulling of the thanksgiving spotlight. The prospect of having a bunch of family over, making sure they don't kill each other, and enjoy the meal, doesn't bother them one bit. They're cool under pressure. That's bullshit (My first blog curse, yay!).
Everybody suffers some kind of performance anxiety. The only difference is in how they handle it. Over time they just learned to control their nerves and harness it (like a superpower). You can make pretty good use of tension when you're preparing to host or even, attend, a holiday dinner with preparation (if you've read my other posts you know this is one of my favorite words).
Get your head in the game soldier! (sorry for mixing my metaphors) You don't have to be afraid of a little holiday - even the big ones. Good preparation was made for a holiday like Thanksgiving. Thorough preparation can guarantee that 90 percent of your night will go smoothly. When you are the host, you're the person with the greatest control (not the turkey, it is just a turkey).
First thing you'll want to do is make sure you know how many people are coming over. Tell them what time to show up and what time dinner will be served. This should be done at least 2 weeks before the big day. This will give you a good estimation of how much food should be purchased. Now, keep in mind, in these kooky modern times, people have certain food restrictions and allergies. It doesn't makes sense to take a list of everyone's "cant's", there should be a few alternative options (If your guest list is small go ahead and make that list). That's basically it (if your looking for cooking advice, you came to the wrong place).
The possibility always exists that something unexpected will happen (uncle eddy brought his mistress, great!), the main thing to remember during these trying times, is that your guest are there to have a good time. People are really sympathetic to the problem of being the Thanksgiving day dinner host. If they were the one doing it - and some have - they would be feeling the same way.
Around this time of year, euphemistically called the "holiday season", a lot is expected of us. It's a big stage where cheerfulness, giving, and mirth are the marks of a good performance. We've booked the theater (our house), we've bought the props (the food), and we've invited the audience (family and friends). Opening night is not too far away. You think to yourself, "It's all riding on me". You can do it. You can survive the holidays with a full head of hair. Thanksgiving day stage fright, much like regular stage fright, really isn't something to actually fear. You can take it and use it to get supercharged; giving you the energy to handle all the ups and downs that come with the holidays.
Everyone knows you're trying your best. We're all trying our best. And if things don't go as planned this time around, remember, there's always Christmas dinner.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Stop Telling Boring Stories About Yourself
We're all conditioned - by nature or nurture, I don't know which - to prick up our little ears and pay attention when someone wants to tell us about "that time in band camp", or that crazy thing that happened on the way to work. Like a good director or screenwriter, some are better at it than others. Don't you hate when someone starts off a good "my day" story and the ending just lets you down? or you meet someone for the first time, and they want to bore you to death with their life story?
I don't give a damn if you haven't lived the most interesting life thus far, your life story should never be dull. Nobody can tell your story better than you can. You can choose what stays and what goes. That time you peed your pants in second grade? - Stay. That time you had an epic #2 accident on the city bus? - Gone. That time you made out with a lesbian, on a futon, while a tranny looked on? - Stay. (all things that happened to me by the way) You should think of your autobiography as a really classic story with a beginning, a middle, and an end (a "To Be Continued" if your young)
What makes a good personal story? Imagine the kind of stories that entertain you. Do you like a little mystery? Is comedy more your thing? or maybe a little adventure? In social situations, adding small genre elements to a true life autobiography can really spice things up.
Being able to tell a good story about yourself doesn't just happen. Like any other skill, it's honed over time. Try telling the same story, different ways to many different people. Pay attention to their reactions to see what version works (as they say in the business of show) the best. The super famous actors get to practice every time they go on a talk show. If you're Will Smith famous, that can be a lot.
I have an unusual name. Which inspires some creative pronunciations. I'm always being asked to explain where it comes from. "What's the story there?" I find that after I tell the story of how I got my name (which I'll tell you someday) their memory gets better and the pronunciations is more on point.
Most of us remember favorite lines of dialogue from a movie before someones name. People can recite entire verses from a song. And others never forget that very special episode of a sitcom they liked growing up. All those forms of entertainment spring from our lives. They say something about how we perceive ourselves. A good tale told right lets others into our circumstances, our relationships, our wants. We were all born, and we'll die. Give people something to remember all the stuff that happens in the middle.
That's right folks, stories are huge.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Herman Cain is Bad at Job Interviews, But You Don't Have To Be
Did you see it? It's really painful to watch.
When Herman Cain (who actually thinks he can be president) sat down to talk with the Journal Sentinel editorial board about his ideas on foreign policy I bet he thought, "pshh I got this". What he got was a wake up call. Smooth talk and home spun language can only take you so far, Herm (Can I call you Herm?). And what we got was a cringe worthy viral video where Cain stammers and stutters for five whole minutes.
Mr. Cain, (he told me I couldn't call him Herm) really should have known better. Before running for the highest office in the land, Cain made his living as a public speaker. Corporations would hire him to motivate their underlings and middle managers at lavish conferences. (this was after his stint as a Godfathers Pizza CEO)
So what went wrong? While Cain's campaign manager later said the republican candidate was just tired, it's clear he just wasn't prepared. Running for president is one long job interview. Seeking employment demands certain things of an interviewee; preparation, active participation and good follow-up. Herm (he'll always be Herm to me) should have kept in mind what his specific goal was. The reporter, as a proxy for the American people, wanted to know if he was qualified for the job he wanted. And judging by this video, I don't think we'll be calling him back.
To be fair, we've all had some gaffs during job interviews. I once flubbed my lines so badly at an audition the casting director had to keep me from breaking down and crying (I really wanted the job, the pay was awesome). Not everyone will have to remember pages of dialogue the day before, what essentially amounted to, a job interview, but everyday, interviews are held with people on the hunt for all kinds of jobs. Whether its a position in a corporation, in government, in academia, in doctors or lawyers offices the skills you need to land that job are basically the same.
Prepare your butt off. Not only will good prep get you ready for the interviewers questions, it will do a lot to diminish whatever nerves you may have before the interview. Get on the computer and find out as much as you can about the companies history, it's products or services, and it's size (size matters). And while they may throw some curve balls your way, you'll do well if you can answer these frequently asked interview questions:
Cain did do one thing right during his interview, he asked a question. Granted his question made him look even less educated on the subject but when it comes to your interview, your ability to ask smart questions will probably make a more positive impression on the interviewer than your answers to her questions. You don't want to take up too much time but these are some questions you should ask at your interview:
What I love about an acting audition (my kind of job interview) is that it encourages active participation. When you show up, how your dressed, and how you engage the material are all verbal and nonverbal signs of your willingness to participate in the interview. Doing this well creates the single most important impression of you.
This is a no brainer but you should always be on time. There's a saying that goes, "early is on time, on time is late, and late is never" or something like that. In any regard, show your respect for your potential new employer and get there at least 15 minutes early.
Good grooming applies to any job interview (another no brainer). Even if your going in for a job that will require you to get dirty, your appearance should be neat and clean. and please don't over do it with the perfume or the cologne. Some people find certain scents unbearable. Go light or none at all.
Herman Cain was a rambling mess in that video. You should keep that in mind; nobody likes a rambler. Answer questions fully then stop. Going on and on makes you seem unfocused. On the other end, don't make you answers too short. Single word answers like "yes" or "no" leave an awkward void (Do you have experience? "yes" uhh, What are they? "yes") The interviewer wants to hear you talk. Don't try to BS your way through and answer like Herm did. If you don't understand a question, ask the interviewer to explain. If you don't know the answer, say so.
Finally, Listen carefully to everything that's being said to you. Eye contact in this situation says it all. Along with a pleasant expression, it lets them know your paying attention, your glad to be there, and focused.
Actors can be some of the pushiest people out there, when it comes to a job they really want. I've worked for casting offices where people will actually show up and ask how they did and if they got the job. Any actor worth his salt know that's not the way to go about it.
Is there a none pushy way to follow up? A simple post letter or email will do. In the letter, you want to thank the person for the opportunity of being interviewed (the wording is up to you but be concise, they don't have all day).
Thank god they don't put all our failed job interviews on camera. I wouldn't want someone remixing my mistakes to a techno beat (it's coming Herm, it's coming). But bombing an interview you know you could have aced, if you had just prepared a little better, is even more embarrassing.
------------------------------
I welcome all your comments and suggestions. Leave them here or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
When Herman Cain (who actually thinks he can be president) sat down to talk with the Journal Sentinel editorial board about his ideas on foreign policy I bet he thought, "pshh I got this". What he got was a wake up call. Smooth talk and home spun language can only take you so far, Herm (Can I call you Herm?). And what we got was a cringe worthy viral video where Cain stammers and stutters for five whole minutes.
Mr. Cain, (he told me I couldn't call him Herm) really should have known better. Before running for the highest office in the land, Cain made his living as a public speaker. Corporations would hire him to motivate their underlings and middle managers at lavish conferences. (this was after his stint as a Godfathers Pizza CEO)
So what went wrong? While Cain's campaign manager later said the republican candidate was just tired, it's clear he just wasn't prepared. Running for president is one long job interview. Seeking employment demands certain things of an interviewee; preparation, active participation and good follow-up. Herm (he'll always be Herm to me) should have kept in mind what his specific goal was. The reporter, as a proxy for the American people, wanted to know if he was qualified for the job he wanted. And judging by this video, I don't think we'll be calling him back.
To be fair, we've all had some gaffs during job interviews. I once flubbed my lines so badly at an audition the casting director had to keep me from breaking down and crying (I really wanted the job, the pay was awesome). Not everyone will have to remember pages of dialogue the day before, what essentially amounted to, a job interview, but everyday, interviews are held with people on the hunt for all kinds of jobs. Whether its a position in a corporation, in government, in academia, in doctors or lawyers offices the skills you need to land that job are basically the same.
Prepare your butt off. Not only will good prep get you ready for the interviewers questions, it will do a lot to diminish whatever nerves you may have before the interview. Get on the computer and find out as much as you can about the companies history, it's products or services, and it's size (size matters). And while they may throw some curve balls your way, you'll do well if you can answer these frequently asked interview questions:
- Why do you want to work for this company?
- How does your experience relate to this position?
- What are you salary requirements?
- If you are hired, how long do you think you would stay with this company?
- Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
- What do you feel are you major strengths and weaknesses?
Cain did do one thing right during his interview, he asked a question. Granted his question made him look even less educated on the subject but when it comes to your interview, your ability to ask smart questions will probably make a more positive impression on the interviewer than your answers to her questions. You don't want to take up too much time but these are some questions you should ask at your interview:
- What would be some of my specific duties at this company?
- Is there room for advancement?
- Can you tell me a little bit about the immediate supervisor I would be working with?
What I love about an acting audition (my kind of job interview) is that it encourages active participation. When you show up, how your dressed, and how you engage the material are all verbal and nonverbal signs of your willingness to participate in the interview. Doing this well creates the single most important impression of you.
This is a no brainer but you should always be on time. There's a saying that goes, "early is on time, on time is late, and late is never" or something like that. In any regard, show your respect for your potential new employer and get there at least 15 minutes early.
Good grooming applies to any job interview (another no brainer). Even if your going in for a job that will require you to get dirty, your appearance should be neat and clean. and please don't over do it with the perfume or the cologne. Some people find certain scents unbearable. Go light or none at all.
Herman Cain was a rambling mess in that video. You should keep that in mind; nobody likes a rambler. Answer questions fully then stop. Going on and on makes you seem unfocused. On the other end, don't make you answers too short. Single word answers like "yes" or "no" leave an awkward void (Do you have experience? "yes" uhh, What are they? "yes") The interviewer wants to hear you talk. Don't try to BS your way through and answer like Herm did. If you don't understand a question, ask the interviewer to explain. If you don't know the answer, say so.
Finally, Listen carefully to everything that's being said to you. Eye contact in this situation says it all. Along with a pleasant expression, it lets them know your paying attention, your glad to be there, and focused.
Actors can be some of the pushiest people out there, when it comes to a job they really want. I've worked for casting offices where people will actually show up and ask how they did and if they got the job. Any actor worth his salt know that's not the way to go about it.
Is there a none pushy way to follow up? A simple post letter or email will do. In the letter, you want to thank the person for the opportunity of being interviewed (the wording is up to you but be concise, they don't have all day).
Thank god they don't put all our failed job interviews on camera. I wouldn't want someone remixing my mistakes to a techno beat (it's coming Herm, it's coming). But bombing an interview you know you could have aced, if you had just prepared a little better, is even more embarrassing.
------------------------------
I welcome all your comments and suggestions. Leave them here or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
6 Rules for Becoming A Natural Public Speaker
In the first post, I mentioned that the most successful people in history have been some of the best communicators in history. People like Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Barack Obama have made a great impact in society, largely, based on their skills in public speaking (I still get chills when I listen to an MLK speech). These people, and thousands of others like them around the country, succeeded because they are able to speak with power and persuasiveness. However, Let's not kid ourselves, these successful people weren't born with a skill for public speaking. They had to learn it.
Can you imagine a little baby Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address? (Go ahead, Imagine it, it's adorable) Now as silly as that image is, it's just as imprudent to think that good public speaking is something that comes naturally. That kind of idea comes from a natural timidity that some of us have toward the prospect of having to stand in front of a large group.
The other day I sat in on a college course a friend of mine had invited me to. It was a presentation day; groups of three students stood up at the front of the room to present their findings on a specific topic (one group presentation was about filing for unemployment) and each member of the group had to communicate a certain idea based on that topic. One poor girl, while presenting, was asked to speak louder because no one could hear her (she was basically whispering). For some reason this caused an audible laugh in the classroom. The girl, having heard the laughter, turned her back to the class and continued to whisper through her presentation. When this caused more laughter, she abruptly ended her presentation. It was a little sad (okay, it was a lot sad).
Clearly that young girl wasn't a dynamic public speaker. She basically did everything you're not suppose to do when communicating (I'm now writing this with my back to the screen).
Spotting someone doing a terrible job at communicating is easy (being asked to "Speak up" is usually a dead give away). And we all can easily recognize when someone is doing an awesome job at it too. But while we understand what makes a bad public speaker, the traits that make someone good at speech communicating is a little harder to pin down. The truth is, it just isn't simple. It takes practice (take every opportunity to speechify) but there are some things you can keep an eye out for. A checklist you can go through to make sure your next speech or presentation doesn't go down in flames (or laughter).
1. Be Sincere.
Sincerity helps other people believe you mean what you say. That is, you must believe yourself and your message so others will too. Sincerity creates the appearance of ease & comfortablity with your given speech topic.
2. Speak Knowledgeably.
You should know enough about your topic to make it worthwhile for people to listen to you. You don't have to be an expert but you do have to do your homework. That means research and preparation.
3. Be Organized.
Okay, so you believe in what your saying, you've done your research, now what? Deliver the message as clearly as possible. Go from 'A' to 'B' without jumping around and confusing your audience.
4. Know How To Listen.
Ever wonder why we cut for a "reaction shot' when someone is speaking on television? because at least half of oral communication involves listening. You have to know when to pause or shut up and listen to your audience. It'll keep you on your toes and bring a certain energy to you speech.
5. Choose Your Words Carefully.
Your choice of words can make difference in whether or not your message is understood. This is usually dictated by your audience, you don't want to seem above them or better than them. You want to come off as a slightly more knowledgeable peer.
6. Use Body Language.
There's basically two kinds of communication; verbal and nonverbal. The nonverbal is the message your body movement (and your clothe) is sending. Be aware of how your dressed, your grooming, your posture etc., all these things 'say' a lot.
Like most people, I'm allergic to cliches but I feel this one is appropriate; practice makes perfect. I'm sure if we took a time machine to catch a young President Barack Obama roaming the halls of Harvard, we wouldn't see the confident, swagerific man we see today. He had to give a lot of speeches and talks, and class presentations to get as good as he is. The reason most folks are just plain terrible at public speaking is because they haven't practiced. But it's not a super hard thing to learn how to get better at. It takes practice. Who knows? you might get so good at it people will start to think it just comes naturally.
----------------------------------
I love Questions, Comments, or Corrections (be my spell check!)
You can leave them here, or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
Can you imagine a little baby Lincoln giving the Gettysburg address? (Go ahead, Imagine it, it's adorable) Now as silly as that image is, it's just as imprudent to think that good public speaking is something that comes naturally. That kind of idea comes from a natural timidity that some of us have toward the prospect of having to stand in front of a large group.
The other day I sat in on a college course a friend of mine had invited me to. It was a presentation day; groups of three students stood up at the front of the room to present their findings on a specific topic (one group presentation was about filing for unemployment) and each member of the group had to communicate a certain idea based on that topic. One poor girl, while presenting, was asked to speak louder because no one could hear her (she was basically whispering). For some reason this caused an audible laugh in the classroom. The girl, having heard the laughter, turned her back to the class and continued to whisper through her presentation. When this caused more laughter, she abruptly ended her presentation. It was a little sad (okay, it was a lot sad).
Clearly that young girl wasn't a dynamic public speaker. She basically did everything you're not suppose to do when communicating (I'm now writing this with my back to the screen).
Spotting someone doing a terrible job at communicating is easy (being asked to "Speak up" is usually a dead give away). And we all can easily recognize when someone is doing an awesome job at it too. But while we understand what makes a bad public speaker, the traits that make someone good at speech communicating is a little harder to pin down. The truth is, it just isn't simple. It takes practice (take every opportunity to speechify) but there are some things you can keep an eye out for. A checklist you can go through to make sure your next speech or presentation doesn't go down in flames (or laughter).
1. Be Sincere.
Sincerity helps other people believe you mean what you say. That is, you must believe yourself and your message so others will too. Sincerity creates the appearance of ease & comfortablity with your given speech topic.
2. Speak Knowledgeably.
You should know enough about your topic to make it worthwhile for people to listen to you. You don't have to be an expert but you do have to do your homework. That means research and preparation.
3. Be Organized.
Okay, so you believe in what your saying, you've done your research, now what? Deliver the message as clearly as possible. Go from 'A' to 'B' without jumping around and confusing your audience.
4. Know How To Listen.
Ever wonder why we cut for a "reaction shot' when someone is speaking on television? because at least half of oral communication involves listening. You have to know when to pause or shut up and listen to your audience. It'll keep you on your toes and bring a certain energy to you speech.
5. Choose Your Words Carefully.
Your choice of words can make difference in whether or not your message is understood. This is usually dictated by your audience, you don't want to seem above them or better than them. You want to come off as a slightly more knowledgeable peer.
6. Use Body Language.
There's basically two kinds of communication; verbal and nonverbal. The nonverbal is the message your body movement (and your clothe) is sending. Be aware of how your dressed, your grooming, your posture etc., all these things 'say' a lot.
Like most people, I'm allergic to cliches but I feel this one is appropriate; practice makes perfect. I'm sure if we took a time machine to catch a young President Barack Obama roaming the halls of Harvard, we wouldn't see the confident, swagerific man we see today. He had to give a lot of speeches and talks, and class presentations to get as good as he is. The reason most folks are just plain terrible at public speaking is because they haven't practiced. But it's not a super hard thing to learn how to get better at. It takes practice. Who knows? you might get so good at it people will start to think it just comes naturally.
----------------------------------
I love Questions, Comments, or Corrections (be my spell check!)
You can leave them here, or send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Hi, My Name Is...
"Hi."
That's how any exchange between two of more people starts (usually followed by "My name is" or "Nice to meet you" or some sort of variation on that). And as it's my hope that two or more people will be reading this blog, that is how I'll start my first post.
"Hi. My name is Spadaque Volcimus."
Ever since I was young I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to act. And while it's fair to call me an actor (cause that's what I am), technically that's not what I do. What I really do is communicate. Whenever you watch someone playing a character in a movie or television show they're communicating something to you. The actor, if she's good, is getting an idea across to the audience. The idea can be about what kind of person the character is, their social status, or what type of world they live in. So you can imagine that would put actors in a unique position to understand the importance of good communication.
That brings me to how the idea for this blog was born.
Please allow me to be saucy for a minute (Don't worry there's a point to the madness). Communication is like sex; a lot of people think they're good at it but they're just letting the other person do all the work. Why do you think there's so many sex advice columns out there?; sometimes people just need help doing something that seems to come easy (no pun intended) to others. The truth is, communication is a complex process but learning how to do it effectively can be more rewarding than you can ever imagine (kind of like sex).
All of the most successful people on the planet have been, to a great extent, good public speakers and communicators (Steve Jobs and his Mac presentations come to mind). The German author Thomas Mann once defined communication or, more to the point, speech as "civilization itself." That's a pretty "whoa" inducing thought isn't it? But it's true. From philosophers to politicians, the ideas that are conveyed better and clearer, are the ones that are adopted by society and subsequently become part of who we are.
But it seems that with the increase use of technology, the classic sender-receiver roles involved with communicating has been augmented, fragmented and every other kind of "mented" you could think of. It's a little sad. All over the world we have people who just don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I'm not talking about texting or facebooking. I mean the good old face to face back and forth. The kind of thing that can land you a job at the interview, a date at that party, confidence in front of an audience.
How to talk in America.
Uta Hagen was a legendary actress and acting teacher who many actors turned to at the start of their training. In her book, "A Challenge for the Actor" (which every actor owns or should own) she writes, "As actors we must not consider ourselves immune from the need to learn about our world, our country." Through sharing my notes, tips, exercises, musings on public speaking and communication I hope to also get something from you, the one or more people reading this. Through this blog I hope we can make each other more aware of how important it is to stay connected to the world we live in.
Let's start this journey together.
"Bye"
That's how most exchanges between two or more people end. Usually followed by "It was nice meeting you" or "see you later" or some variation on that. So that's how I'm going to end my first post.
"Bye. It was nice meeting you. Hope to see you later."
-----------------------------
I welcome questions, comments, or corrections. Leave them here of send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
That's how any exchange between two of more people starts (usually followed by "My name is" or "Nice to meet you" or some sort of variation on that). And as it's my hope that two or more people will be reading this blog, that is how I'll start my first post.
"Hi. My name is Spadaque Volcimus."
Ever since I was young I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life; I wanted to act. And while it's fair to call me an actor (cause that's what I am), technically that's not what I do. What I really do is communicate. Whenever you watch someone playing a character in a movie or television show they're communicating something to you. The actor, if she's good, is getting an idea across to the audience. The idea can be about what kind of person the character is, their social status, or what type of world they live in. So you can imagine that would put actors in a unique position to understand the importance of good communication.
That brings me to how the idea for this blog was born.
Please allow me to be saucy for a minute (Don't worry there's a point to the madness). Communication is like sex; a lot of people think they're good at it but they're just letting the other person do all the work. Why do you think there's so many sex advice columns out there?; sometimes people just need help doing something that seems to come easy (no pun intended) to others. The truth is, communication is a complex process but learning how to do it effectively can be more rewarding than you can ever imagine (kind of like sex).
All of the most successful people on the planet have been, to a great extent, good public speakers and communicators (Steve Jobs and his Mac presentations come to mind). The German author Thomas Mann once defined communication or, more to the point, speech as "civilization itself." That's a pretty "whoa" inducing thought isn't it? But it's true. From philosophers to politicians, the ideas that are conveyed better and clearer, are the ones that are adopted by society and subsequently become part of who we are.
But it seems that with the increase use of technology, the classic sender-receiver roles involved with communicating has been augmented, fragmented and every other kind of "mented" you could think of. It's a little sad. All over the world we have people who just don't know how to talk to each other anymore. I'm not talking about texting or facebooking. I mean the good old face to face back and forth. The kind of thing that can land you a job at the interview, a date at that party, confidence in front of an audience.
How to talk in America.
Uta Hagen was a legendary actress and acting teacher who many actors turned to at the start of their training. In her book, "A Challenge for the Actor" (which every actor owns or should own) she writes, "As actors we must not consider ourselves immune from the need to learn about our world, our country." Through sharing my notes, tips, exercises, musings on public speaking and communication I hope to also get something from you, the one or more people reading this. Through this blog I hope we can make each other more aware of how important it is to stay connected to the world we live in.
Let's start this journey together.
"Bye"
That's how most exchanges between two or more people end. Usually followed by "It was nice meeting you" or "see you later" or some variation on that. So that's how I'm going to end my first post.
"Bye. It was nice meeting you. Hope to see you later."
-----------------------------
I welcome questions, comments, or corrections. Leave them here of send them to HowToTalkInAmerica@Gmail.com
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